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    October 23

    10年纪

    前阵子回家的时候,抽空整理了搬家留下的杂物,不经意就发现了高中时开始写的日记。仔细拿来翻翻,10年前的光景赫然在目,不敢想象,曾经以为无比漫长的时光,就在一转身间已经悄然逝去。

    如斯10年,是人生最好的年华,却被我这天生愚钝的人,莫名虚掷了,也因此时常在内心进行着强烈的自我谴责。尽管今时今日的我,仍然时刻深觉出自己的稚嫩,然而面对着17岁的单纯,终是有了深刻的改变,这改变乃是由社会及个人经历刻画的,与自我意愿无关。

    很多事情,虽然总是在记忆中穿梭来回,努力想保持最初的模样,但其实我们都知道,一切再也回不去原来的样子。就像17岁的我和现在的我,永远不可能是完全相同一样。如何能一样呢?!17岁的女子,会安静地喜欢一个人却不敢告诉对方,只小心翼翼地猜测着对方的态度和心情,时喜时忧;27岁的女子,身边守着也许能陪伴一生的男人,却再也没有那种一点点小心、一点点试探、怦然心动的感觉。17岁的女子,可以简单地读书,简单地生活,忧虑只是为赋新词强说愁;27岁的女子,不得不考虑家庭和未来,焦虑如家常便饭,如影随行。17岁的女子,总是觉得还有漫长的青春可以挥霍,玩笑也可以开得肆无忌惮;27岁的女子,事事都要拿捏分寸,又总是绞尽脑汁,想着如何能在跨进30门槛前,以最快的速度把人生日程表上的大事件一一完成。17岁的女子,偶尔叛逆,和爸妈争吵得理直气壮;27岁的女子,少有回家的机会,却每每在看到日渐年老的双亲时,心里泛起深刻的感伤和内疚。

    人生最残酷的事情是什么呢?!其实并不是所有的名利财富在一夜之间消失不见,而是眼睁睁看着时光流逝,眼睁睁看着最亲的人渐渐年迈,最后离你远去。10年的光阴流转,已经足够让人唏嘘感叹了。

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